When You Cant Go Home PDF Download

Being an outsider is tough.Being an outsider in your own home and not knowing why is soul-crushing. It is isolating, painful, and confusing. Loneliness and longing are your reality. You're consumed with guilt, self-deprecating inner dialogue, and worst of all, the fear of doing even the smallest thing wrong. You spend a lot of time alone...even when you're not. You watch a lot of TV.Obviously, this is all your fault. Obviously, the reason you are living this way is because of something you did to warrant it. If they beat you, you deserved it. If they punish you, you asked for it. You never want to go home, but you don't have a choice because you've never had a choice. This is it. This is what you have. This is all you know.And yet, you still smile when you sometimes catch a glimpse of the sweeter things and treasure the smallest kindness. Inside, you know life isn't supposed to be like this, but it is. Your life is like a bubble of poison gas that could burst at any moment...you know that. You live that. But how are you supposed to make sense of any of this? How do you make it stop?You can't. You are powerless. You haven't even reached kindergarten yet.From a severely abusive childhood in the inner city of Baltimore, a string of unsatisfying relationships and several broken marriages, to a six-figure income from the multi-million dollar business I built out of my home, this is my story in my own words.I was stolen as a baby when my mother died. I was lied to by my kidnapper and used as a Cinderella punching bag by his never-ending parade of "step-mothers" and girlfriends, and much worse when he didn't have one.This memoir covers the good, the bad, and the ugly.As this story unfolds, my hope is that you, the reader, will discover a little girl who survived that abusive childhood, healed, and empowered herself through discipline and hard work. I hope you see a girl who became a woman who learned from her mistakes and a whole human being who loves her newfound family with all her heart.I am no longer an outsider. I can go home now.