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Sorry I Humped Your Leg

Sorry I Humped Your Leg
Author: Jeremy Greenberg
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
Total Pages: 64
Release: 2017-06-06
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 1449487424

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The bestselling author who brought you Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe and Sorry I Slept on Your Face presents a new collection of hilarious letters from over-enthusiastic, manners-challenged dogs paired with painfully cute photographs. Gronk apologizes for his passion, but he honestly thought humping your leg would bring you closer. Ladybug just wants to help you with your nature photography, so she selflessly alerts you to any nearby skunks. Truman was just trying to help you save face when he licked the carving board at Thanksgiving—the embarrassment of a leaky turkey would surely bring you nothing but shame for years. He does taste the tarragon. Sorry I Humped Your Leg contains letters from well-meaning pooches who go above and beyond for you. From escaping every enclosure you can dream up in order to spend more time together to helpfully licking the toilet bowl clean, these pups aim to please.


Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe

Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe
Author: Jeremy Greenberg
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
Total Pages: 69
Release: 2011-10-11
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 1449407897

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A light and lively companion to Sorry I Peed on You, Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe is a hilarious collection of full-color photos and letters of apologies and suggestions from dogs to the people who love them—no matter what bad thing they’ve done! Inside Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe, writer and comedian Jeremy Greenberg presents a collection of 50 laugh-out-loud letters and accompanying full-color photographs that explain Fido's love of funky smells, why a ball needs to be thrown again, and practically every other lovably loony canine characteristic. From an impassioned plea to stop the silly nicknames, to an attempt to skip a bath, to explanations for stolen shoes and swiped sandwiches, Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe offers a pooch's perspective on common canine vs. human cohabitation conundrums. Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe is the perfect gift for dog lovers and anyone who appreciates hilarious (and so true!) insights into dog--and human--nature.


Chalktown

Chalktown
Author: Melinda Haynes
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Total Pages: 372
Release: 2002-06-04
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 0743442504

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On the heels of her Oprah-selected debut blockbuster "Mother of Pearl, " Melinda Haynes returns with a lush and deeply affecting story of redemption and renewal set in 1960s Mississippi.


Why Cats are Assholes

Why Cats are Assholes
Author: Liz Miele
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Total Pages: 192
Release: 2021-03-30
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 151075623X

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Most people love cats. They’re fluffy, playful, and can be a joy to have as a companion. However, they can also be huge assholes. So what can you do? How do you deal with a roommate who always seems to be plotting to kill you? While we all love sharing adorable photos of kittens, these frisky felines are known more for marching to the beat of their own drum than abiding by the rules. From running around your home at two in the morning, knocking everything off your shelves, or taking up most of your bed, these furry critters can be immensely selfish and disrespectful to those who give them endless love and affection. Why Cats Are Assholes is up for such a challenge. From studying their history all the way back to ancient Egypt, comedian Liz Miele—the daughter of veterinarians—digests the cat psyche to try and understand why they do the things they do, and how we, as their loyal servants, can handle domestic bliss with them around. With the help of her cat Pasta, Miele breaks down the common behaviors of cats in an attempt to try and better understand their plan of attack (if there is one), as well as what we can do to better prepare ourselves. Whether you have one, two, or twelve fur babies, Why Cats Are Assholes is the ultimate guide to better understanding your pet’s behavior while taking back your home from these domesticated terrorists.


Happy Hour in Hell

Happy Hour in Hell
Author: Tad Williams
Publisher: Hachette UK
Total Pages: 542
Release: 2013-09-26
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 144473864X

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Bobby Dollar has a problem or four of epic proportions. Problem one: his best friend Sam has given him an angel's feather that also happens to be evidence of an unholy pact between Bobby's employers and those who dwell in the infernal depths. Problem two: Eligor, Grand Duke of Hell, wants to get his claws on the feather at all costs, but particularly at all cost to Bobby . Problem three: Bobby has fallen in love with Casimira, Countess of Cold Hands, who just happens to be Eligor's girlfriend. Problem four: Eligor, aware of Problem three, has whisked Casimira off to the Bottomless Pit itself, telling Bobby he will never see her again unless he hands over the feather. But Bobby, long-time veteran of the endless war between above and below, is not the type of guy who finds Hell intimidating. All he has to do is toss on a demon's body, sneak through the infernal gates, solve the mystery of the angel's feather, and rescue the girl. Saving the day should just be a matter of an eon or two of anguish, mutilation and horror. If only it were that easy.


Sorry I Slept on Your Face

Sorry I Slept on Your Face
Author: Jeremy Greenberg
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
Total Pages: 65
Release: 2016-11-08
Genre: Pets
ISBN: 1449484433

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What does it mean when your cat bites your toes as hard as she can? When she suffocates you with her body, is she just getting comfortable or is she trying to tell you she needs more space? In Sorry I Slept on Your Face, cats, in all their superiority, break up with their owners through sorry/not sorry letters illustrated with cute, funny, sweet photographs. This book will make you laugh and make you ponder your relationship with your own cat.


Sorry I Peed on You (and Other Heartwarming Letters to Mommy)

Sorry I Peed on You (and Other Heartwarming Letters to Mommy)
Author: Jeremy Greenberg
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
Total Pages: 66
Release: 2011-03-22
Genre: Family & Relationships
ISBN: 1449406483

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Wouldn't you love to know what your toddler's thinking when he refuses to stop jumping on the couch? Jeremy Greenberg's hilarious and thoughtful letters give parents a glimpse into the minds of their little ones. Finally, we can hear "first person" how a kid really isn't fooled by broccoli buried in cheese, how he'd really appreciate it if he could start going down the slide by himself, or how he'd like to apologize for peeing on you during the two seconds it took for you to reach for a fresh diaper. From Daddy's latest four-letter vocab lessons to the dog's (not the toddler's) repeated milk dribbles on the carpet, this hilarious book answers a question every mother of a toddler wants to know: What in the world are they thinking?!


Jinn and Juice

Jinn and Juice
Author: Nicole Peeler
Publisher: Orbit
Total Pages: 328
Release: 2014-11-25
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 0316407348

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In this rowdy and raunchy urban fantasy, Lyla escaped an arranged marriage by accepting a deal from a jinni -- to live a thousand years as a jinni herself. Now, with her millennia nearly up, she's hiding out in a seedy Pittsburgh swarming with vampires, jinni and magical beings. Meet Lyla, a thousand-year-old Jinn, a belly dancer, and the hottest new urban fantasy heroine in town. With her thousand-year-long servitude ending, Lyla faces a few serious obstacles to freedom. A Magi intent on binding her again, a jinni bent on vengeance, and not to mention the nightmare from her past that threatens to make her curse permanent -- and claim her very soul. "Jinn and Juice is a raucous, raunchy tale well told. One thing's certain: you'll never look at Pittsburgh the same way after you've taken Nicole Peeler's mythic joyride up, down, and sideways in pursuit of an abducted teenage girl and freedom from a thousand-year curse. Legend and history, betrayal and love intertwine as the story moves from lascivious sex clubs to the unraveling of a mystery to a magical jinni throw-down which will leave you panting for more. Jinn and Juice is Urban Fantasy at its smartest, naughtiest, funniest best." -- Juliet Blackwell


Love Story, With Murders

Love Story, With Murders
Author: Harry Bingham
Publisher: Delacorte Press
Total Pages: 406
Release: 2014-02-18
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 0345533771

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Harry Bingham’s Talking to the Dead introduced readers to one of the most compelling new heroines in crime fiction, Detective Constable Fiona Griffiths, earning comparisons to Stieg Larsson’s Lisbeth Salander. Now D.C. Griffiths returns to investigate a series of gruesome murders—and their connection to her own shadowy past. D.C. Fiona Griffiths is facing the prospect of a dull weekend when the call comes in, something about illegal dumping in a Cardiff suburb. But when she arrives on the scene she finds, in a garage freezer, a severed human leg, complete with a pink suede high-heeled shoe. South Wales police are able to ID the body part as that of a young woman who went missing five years earlier; a young woman who once made a living as an exotic dancer. All at once, Fiona’s job as a detective and her role as a loving daughter collide: Fiona’s father owns a Cardiff strip club and was once deeply involved in the local crime scene. Still in recovery from a devastating psychotic breakdown, Fiona is wary of exploring a path that might end at her father’s door . . . yet her obsessive approach to criminal investigation leaves her no other option. But Fiona’s specialty is not the living, it is the dead. And as she is just starting to get into the murdered girl’s head, a severed hand is found—and this one is male. Soon, police are swamped with an increasing number of body parts found in and around suburban gardens, sheds, and garages. Media attention is intense, and investigators are working from a list of hundreds of persons of interest. When the department identifies the second victim, Fiona struggles to connect him with the dead stripper. What do the victims have in common? And why this macabre method of disposing the corpses? The answers may be more than Fiona can handle. Because in order to solve the riddle of these hideous murders, D.C. Fiona Griffiths will have to delve into the mysteries of her past—and hope she comes out intact . . . and alive. Praise for Love Story, with Murders “A most intriguing, if peculiar, detective . . . Although his volatile protagonist certainly dominates the first-person narrative, [Harry] Bingham doesn’t stint on plot (very complicated), procedures (very detailed) or action (very brutal). . . . Satisfying.”—Marilyn Stasio, The New York Times Book Review “Love Story, with Murders is a dark delight, and I look forward to Fiona’s future struggles with criminals, her demons and the mysteries of her past.”—The Washington Post “Bingham’s superb second police procedural featuring Det. Constable Fiona Griffiths delivers an even more intense plot and richer character study than his first. . . . Fiona’s past mental problems and her unconventional personality make her a distinctive lead.”—Publishers Weekly (starred review) “Some of the most memorably staccato narration in the genre . . . [Bingham’s] remote, unquenchable heroine makes her stand apart from every one of her procedural brothers and sisters.”—Kirkus Reviews “Compelling . . . [Love Story, with Murders] amply proves the freshness and flair that [Bingham] has brought to the police procedural. . . . Surprisingly delicate, it weaves a sinuous, seductive spell and confirms we have a new crime talent to treasure.”—Daily Mail (UK) “Love Story, with Murders boasts what must be the most startling protagonist in modern crime fiction.”—The Sunday Times (London) From the Hardcover edition.


Freak the Mighty

Freak the Mighty
Author: Rodman Philbrick
Publisher: Usborne Publishing Ltd
Total Pages: 140
Release: 2015-04-01
Genre: Juvenile Fiction
ISBN: 1409591050

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Max is used to being called Stupid. And he is used to everyone being scared of him. On account of his size and looking like his dad. Kevin is used to being called Dwarf. And he is used to everyone laughing at him. On account of his size and being some cripple kid. But greatness comes in all sizes, and together Max and Kevin become Freak The Mighty and walk high above the world. An inspiring, heartbreaking, multi-award winning international bestseller.