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Current Events Hall takes aim at the global events of 2018 with a unique and refreshing perspective. Topics in this volume include the following: • President Trump displaying brazen hypocrisies—“Complaining about Trump’s hypocrisy is like complaining about a prostitute’s promiscuity.” • The Catholic Church covering up sins of pedophile priests—“These putative men of God cannot believe God exists. They must reason that, if he did, he would have stopped priests from systematically abusing children long ago. After all, what God would allow a criminal sex cult to flourish as a holy church in his name?” • Tiger Woods failing to win another major—“Tiger is becoming to PGA players what Hugh Hefner became to LA players: the most popular guy in the game who everyone knows can’t do it anymore.” • Caribbean leaders condemning “shithole” Trump—“Haitian migrants pose a heavy, unsustainable burden for the relatively small and poor countries of the Caribbean. This explains why, even though none have called Haiti a shithole, some Caribbean leaders have treated Haitians like shit.” • Meryl Streep hailing Harvey Weinstein as “God”—“That she said this is as much an indication of how far Weinstein has fallen from grace as it is an indictment of how much even Streep was beholding to his power and influence.” • Europeans doing more than Africans to solve Africa’s migrant crisis—“Only a symbiosis of European colonial guilt and African umbilical dependence explains why.” • Research showing the health benefits of bread—“No less an authority than the Bible decreed that bread and water are the staff of life. Which is why I hereby curse Atkins and his spawn of ketogenic false prophets in the name of God.” • Trump continuing bromance with Putin despite bipartisan criticism—“Trump is behaving like a teenage girl who was reprimanded by her parents for sneaking out for a booty call with a notorious bad boy. And she responds by sneaking that bad boy into her bedroom . . . and ends up pregnant.”