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If you are a woman going through a tough time, there are plenty of places you can go to for support. There are books, workshops and groups, both on and offline, where you can get the support you need to help you through ... but you're not a woman, you're a man and, as men, we are largely forgotten when it comes to getting help during difficult times. The common misconception is that because we are men, we're not in touch with our emotions. We are the stronger sex, the cavemen, the warriors, the conquerors and heroes, and so it's assumed that we don't need comfort and support and we can just tough it out. But if you're a man going through a divorce, then you know none of that is true because what you're most likely feeling is devastation. The effects of divorce are shown to be worse on the physical and mental health of a man than they are for a woman, and that is a proven fact. A man feels the weight of responsibility deeply. It is in his psyche and it acts like a switch clicking on as he grows, finds a mate, and builds a family. That feeling of responsibility for earning and providing security for his family is primal stuff and the fear of not being able to deliver it is very real. If you're going through a divorce, or you're about to, this is all brought into the open and those feelings are poked and challenged, adding to the lack of control you may be feeling already. This is not my antagonistic view and it's never about us v them, it's about this ... happy confident men and boys' equal happy confident women and girls, and we all need to do our bit to promote that. In the beginning you will feel upset. Divorce is a loss and any loss is sad. You're losing your wife, your family and your whole way of life and this can have a devastating effect on how you see yourself now. It can also seriously affect your ego. Learning to deal with these feelings is important but, even in this day and age when you hear or see articles and information around the after-effects of divorce, the focus is mainly on the women and us men go unnoticed. But don't forget that marriage is a commitment made by two people and they are both responsible for it. There are some options for men out there already, but we're going through a bit of a movement with these things and those groups tend to be run by enlightened men. This makes them all a bit hippy and a bit let's go out into the woods in stripy trousers and bang a bongo. That's not going to work for the ordinary bloke like me and you, and he is not going to don a pair of multi-coloured calf huggers for anyone. The fact is, as a man, you will have to learn how to handle these feelings while at the same time leading your family through the divorce without the breakdown of those relationships. Without the drama and trauma that can affect you, your ex, and your kids for decades to come, if it's not handled properly. This is about stepping into your masculine energy and taking the lead in your divorce for the wellbeing of everyone involved. The ordinary bloke gets that, which is why this book is for him.
