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Dirty Bertie: An English King Made in France

Dirty Bertie: An English King Made in France
Author: Stephen Clarke
Publisher: Random House
Total Pages: 402
Release: 2014-05-22
Genre: History
ISBN: 1448108284

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The entertaining biography of Edward VII and his playboy lifestyle, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Despite fierce opposition from his mother, Queen Victoria, Edward VII was always passionately in love with France. He had affairs with the most famous Parisian actresses, courtesans and can-can dancers. He spoke French more elegantly than English. He was the first ever guest to climb the Eiffel Tower with Gustave Eiffel, in defiance of an official English ban on his visit. He turned his French seduction skills into the diplomatic prowess that sealed the Entente Cordiale. A quintessentially English king? Pas du tout! Stephen Clarke argues that as 'Dirty Bertie', Edward learned all the essentials in life from the French.


A Year in the Merde

A Year in the Merde
Author: Stephen Clarke
Publisher:
Total Pages: 388
Release: 2005
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 9780552153072

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Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job and finds out what the French are really like.They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don t wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike re


Paris Revealed

Paris Revealed
Author: Stephen Clarke
Publisher: Open Road Media
Total Pages: 376
Release: 2012-03-20
Genre: Travel
ISBN: 1453243577

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A hilarious insider’s guide to Paris by the author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French: “Clarke’s eye for detail is terrific” (The Washington Post). Stephen Clarke may have adopted Paris as his home, but he still has an Englishman’s eye for the people, cafés, art, sidewalks, food, fashion, and romance that make Paris a one-of-a-kind city. This irreverent outsider-turned-insider guide shares local savoir faire, from how to separate the good restaurants from the bad to navigating the baffling Métro system. It also provides invaluable insights into the etiquette of public urination and the best ways to experience Parisian life without annoying the Parisians (a truly delicate art). Clarke’s witty and expert tour of the city leaves no boulevard unexplored—even those that might be better left alone.


1000 Years of Annoying the French

1000 Years of Annoying the French
Author: Stephen Clarke
Publisher: Random House
Total Pages: 770
Release: 2015
Genre: History
ISBN: 1784160407

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NEW UPDATED EDITION Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? Non! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? Non! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. Did the French write "God Save the Queen"? Non! But that's what they claim. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066 ... Featuring new annoyances - both historical and recent - inflicted on the French, including Napoleon's "banned" chamber pot, Louis XIV's painful operation, Anglo-French jibes during the 2012 London Olympics, French niggles about William and Kate's royal wedding, and much more ...


How the French Won Waterloo - or Think They Did

How the French Won Waterloo - or Think They Did
Author: Stephen Clarke
Publisher: Random House
Total Pages: 320
Release: 2015-06-04
Genre: History
ISBN: 1473506360

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Published in the 200th Anniversary year of the Battle of Waterloo a witty look at how the French still think they won, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Two centuries after the Battle of Waterloo, the French are still in denial. If Napoleon lost on 18 June 1815 (and that's a big 'if'), then whoever rules the universe got it wrong. As soon as the cannons stopped firing, French historians began re-writing history. The Duke of Wellington was beaten, they say, and then the Prussians jumped into the boxing ring, breaking all the rules of battle. In essence, the French cannot bear the idea that Napoleon, their greatest-ever national hero, was in any way a loser. Especially not against the traditional enemy – les Anglais. Stephen Clarke has studied the French version of Waterloo, as told by battle veterans, novelists, historians – right up to today's politicians, and he has uncovered a story of pain, patriotism and sheer perversion ...


The Prince and the Assassin

The Prince and the Assassin
Author: Steve Harris
Publisher: Melbourne Books
Total Pages: 336
Release: 2018-09-01
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 1925556158

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The engrossing real life story of how Queen Victoria's favourite son, Prince Alfred, undertook the most ambitious Royal tour, only for Australia's overwhelming joy of having the first Royal on its shores jolted by his decadent behaviour, then shocked by an attempted assassination by a man trained as a priest. The British Empire's youngest and most distant outpost found itself at the epicentre of a new crime and empirical fears about the first inter-continental terrorist group, a conspiracy and a 'lone wolf '. In a resulting 'reign of terror' extraordinary steps were taken to safeguard security with laws on treason and sedition which even the Queen felt went too far, and the would-be assassin was hastily executed in a miscarriage of justice led by opportunistic politicians. This is an extraordinary and atmospheric weaving of the stories - some detailed for the first time - of royal intrigue, sexual appetite, religious bigotry, patriotic vengeance, naked ambition, national security and moral panic. They are stories of royals, immigrants, archbishops, republicans and the founding fathers of Australia and issues that remain with us today. Drawing on Royal, British and Australian archives, the compelling narrative embraces a pivotal time in the evolution of Australia, and on the 150th anniversary reveals how a minute of madness rocked the country to its foundations, with a legacy which helped shape Australia's history and continues to influence and challenge us today. Revelations & insights in The Prince and the Assassin:- Prince Alfred's spare heir upbringing as 'the chosen one' and prospective King of Australia- Sexually decadent royal behaviour- An historic tour which became the model for 50 subsequent royal tours to Australia- Religious bigotry, violence and death in early Australia- How a young migrant trained and destined to be a priest became an assassin- How the biggest crime in Australia shocked, shamed, terrorised and divided the country- How Henry Parkes, 'founder of federation', suppressed and doctored evidence, hired private spies and criminals for political advantage- Australia suppressing civil liberties, even making it a crime of treason to discuss republicanism and to not drink a toast to the Queen- Australian Catholics accused of disloyalty and an Archbishop conspiring against the Government- Australia's most sensational trial, one of injustice and vengeance for a crime not on the Empire's capital list- Alfred appealing for his would-be killer to not be executed- An Australian Government accused of promoting fear for political advantage and committing treason and fraud


The Merde Factor

The Merde Factor
Author: Stephen Clarke
Publisher: Random House
Total Pages: 306
Release: 2012-09-13
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 1448108276

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Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But recently things have been going très wrong: He's stuck in an apartment so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike - and it could be all his fault. His Parisian business partner is determined to close their tea-room. And thinks that sexually harrassing his female employees is a basic human right. And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him. Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankrupcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan...


The French Revolution and What Went Wrong

The French Revolution and What Went Wrong
Author: Stephen Clarke
Publisher: Century
Total Pages: 384
Release: 2018-05-03
Genre:
ISBN: 9781780895529

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Legend has it that, in a few busy weeks in July 1789, a despotic king, his freeloading wife, and a horde of over-privileged aristocrats, were displaced and then humanely dispatched. In the ensuing years, we are told, France was heroically transformed into an idyll of Libert�, Egalit� and Fraternit�. In fact, as Stephen Clarke argues in his informative and eye-opening account of the French Revolution, almost all of this is completely untrue. In 1789 almost no one wanted to oust King Louis XVI, let alone guillotine him. While the Bastille was being stormed by out-of-control Parisians, the true democrats were at work in Versailles creating a British-style constitutional monarchy. The founding of the Republic in 1792 unleashed a reign of terror that caused about 300,000 violent deaths. And people hailed today as revolutionary heroes were dangerous opportunists, whose espousal of Libert�, Egalit� and Fraternit� did not stop them massacring political opponents and guillotining women for demanding equal rights. Going back to original French sources, Stephen Clarke has uncovered the little-known and rarely told story of what was really happening in revolutionary France, as well as what went so tragically and bloodily wrong.


Merde Actually

Merde Actually
Author: Stephen Clarke
Publisher: Random House
Total Pages: 450
Release: 2008-09-04
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 1407038672

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A year after arriving in France, Englishman Paul West is still struggling with some fundamental questions: _________________ What is the best way to scare a gendarme? Why are there no health warnings on French nudist beaches? And is it really polite to sleep with your boss's mistress? In his second comedy of errors, Paul West opens an English tearoom, and mutates (temporarily) into a Parisian waiter. Meanwhile, he continues his search for the perfect French mademoiselle. But will Paul find l'amour éternel, or will it all end in merde? Author's apology: 'I'd just like to say sorry to all the suppository fans out there, because in this book there are no suppositories. There are, however, lots of courgettes, and I see this as progress. Suppositories to courgettes - I think it proves that I'm developing as a writer.' Stephen Clarke


Talk to the snail

Talk to the snail
Author: Stephen Clarke
Publisher: Black Swan
Total Pages: 262
Release: 2007-02-07
Genre: France
ISBN: 9780552774093

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Have You Ever Walked Into A Half-Empty Restaurant In France, Only To Be Told That It S Complet? Attempted To Say Merci Beaucoup And Accidentally Complimented Someone On Their Cute Backside? Been Taken To What You Ve Been Assured Is The Perfect House Deep In The Countryside, Only To Find There S No Electricity Or Running Water? If The Answer To Any Of The Above Is Oui , Talk To The Snail Is The Book For You.Find Out How To Get Served In A Restaurant; Learn To Be Exquisitely Polite And Brutally Rude At The Same Time; Discover The Language Of Love, Sex And Suppositories (Not Necessarily In That Order). It S All Here In This Funny, Informative, Seriously Useful Guide On How To Get What You Really Want From The French.With Advice On Essential Phrases And Bons Mots To Cover All Eventualities, And Illustrated With Witty Real-Life Anecdotes, Talk To The Snail Is A Book That No Self-Respecting Francophile Or Francophobe - Can Afford To Be Without.